It is clear, accurate, concise and direct; four qualities that must be in good writing. But, its chances of attracting or compelling people to come are diminished because of the following:
1. The first words are about her. Your ad must be about them. Never about you.
2. It lacks emotion. People buy with emotions, not intellect.
3. To get people emotionally involved with your advertisement, you’ve got to tell them what benefits they’ll get from your product or service.
4. It is tombstoning.
Solve for these four things and you’ve greatly increased your chances of success. Notice I didn't say "guaranteed to make sales." With all advertisements we use correct principles to improve our chances, try the ad, see if people respond, and then tweak some more. But always using principles that have been proven best over the centuries. (Read in my book, Marketing Singers, the section where I show that Chaucer taught them 800 years ago as did Tsun Tsu.)
To help the ad, I asked her to respond to these questions:
1. What is the single greatest benefit I will get by attending?
2. Tell me two or three more ways I'll be helped by attending.
It is good to write as many benefits down and then organize them from the most to least important.
She wrote back:
“Good question-- Single greatest benefit?
“Attendees will receive information that has potential to create renewed enthusiasm and hope for dealing with life challenges.
“How would someone be helped by attending?
1. Identify patterns in thought and behavior processes that are holding them back from a happier life
2. Learn new and healthier ways to respond to those challenges”
I then wrote back:
“Then the headline should be something like:
“Renew your enthusiasm and hope for life
* Discover your patterns and thoughts keeping you from a happier life
* Learn ways to respond to challenges for a Happier and healthier life
Notice a couple of things:
1. I got the word “your” in immediately. It’s best if it is the first word, but fine as the 2nd.
2. Shorten the first benefit into a concise headline that was all benefit for them.
3. Took the other benefits and turned them into sub-heads.
She was concerned that I’d used “happier” twice. A good concern. I did it on purpose. It focuses on what we all want. You can never get enough happiness. It is a risk to do this, but, it evokes such strong feelings that it is worth it. Just make sure you have a reason for using a word twice.
Once we had the words down, then we gave the words to my wife Elizabeth to create the graphic layout and images that fit the words. Do NOT do this in reverse as so many do. They create a neat graphic image and then make up words to fit. Not very effective. Do your writing and thinking first.
Here’s the final flyer.
Notice that the sunrise evokes “a new day” and is next to the word “hope”. Liz also included Debbie's picture. She’s a very attractive lady and the photo makes her very “approachable” or friendly, yet she’s still professional. Remember that people like buying from people far more than from businesses. General Foods knew that when they created “Betty Crocker”. There never was a Betty Crocker but they needed a face for their company. It makes the company more approachable.
Notice as well that the final words in the ad are tweaked from the first words I sent to her as possible headlines. Keep reworking the headline until the last possible second of the deadline.
In summary, don’t use a tombstone approach to any advertisement. If you don’t understand tombstoning, get my book and read all about it. It is the most common way people advertise and the greatest reason they don’t succeed.
If you’re put off by the fact the book is seemingly written for singers, then see the last post about the cat and refrigerator about how to find similarities in different universes. Ironically, you’ll find, while the book is written to singers, I use mostly non-singer illustrations to force singers to understand that they have a product and the same rules that apply to non-singers apply to singers and vice versa.
